I know there are worse things in the world than what I'm going through. Knowing this doesn't help me in any way IN THE LEAST because then I start thinking how there are people in this world who have things so much better than me, without working as hard or suffering so much psychological scarring.
If I can relate to another human being after all of this then I will know that I have been successful in my life - in this regard at least. But then, suffering, anguish and self-loathing are entirely subjective things which in no way are up for discussion.
I know that out there there are people who would kill for the opportunities that I carelessly take for granted. But you've got to remember, satisfaction is a sliding scale, I found this out the hard way.
Opportunity is a double sided sword, it can give you everything you want but then the stakes may be too great and price too much to pay. You may find yourself sitting at the poker table of life, almost bankrupt but yet...
The cards still keep getting dealt.
I'm deeply unhappy with everything at the moment. I need to be somewhere so busy that I don't have time for introspection.
Or recollection, more like...
